Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know, I know unless you are under the age of 14, all letters received after the 5th of December have no guarantee of being read but I wasn't sure until tonight what I wanted this year so didn't want to bug you for the trivial things on my list like those awesome LL Bean slippers I've been wanting for years now. I hope my request doesn't sound too selfish and I hope that I have been good enough to be included in your stop at our house this year, especially given my advancing years, but I have the utmost faith that you'll come through if you can. And don't worry, I promise to leave that glass of Knob Creek out with the cookies again this year - I'll just tell Ada it is special Santa juice. Hope all is well with you and the Mrs. and if you can only get me one of these gifts, I'll need you to decide which one because right now either one would be the Best Gift Ever and if you can make both happen, I may just have to build you a shrine in our downstairs nook.

Much Love,

Jill

Jill's Christmas Wish List:

1. The ability to get Ada to go to sleep in less than 20 minutes that does not involve crying (on either of our parts), the use of a 'stern voice' (my part) or getting out of bed over and over again (Ada's part). I really want to stress the less than 20 minutes aspect of my wish, right now we're at an hour to an hour and a half and while anything less than that may seem like a win, my patience really only has a 20 minute limit at that point in the day.

2. A day and a half to myself which I would like to spend in the following way:

On the agreed upon Friday, I will meet Christopher for a glass of wine and some appetizers at Matt's in the Market at 4:30pm and once finished, walk over with him to pick up Ada so that I can give her many hugs and kisses. I will then say goodbye to the two of them and walk over to any one of the fabulous hotels downtown where I will check in and immediately draw an amazing bath and soak uninterrupted for at least 1 hour. After the bath I will order room service and proceed to watch bad cable television (which I must remind you I don't get at home) until I fall asleep. I will then wake up the next morning around 9am to find myself some espresso and a pastry which I will eat as I make my way to a spa appointment where I will enjoy some downtime in the sauna before partaking in an hour and a half massage followed by a manicure and a pedicure. I will then take myself to a late lunch at Le Pichet which I will enjoy while reading a novel that I purchased from a local independent bookstore (i.e. a book that was not selected while buying groceries or doing a quick tour of a big chain bookstore on my way to another errand in the mall). After my late lunch I would like to meet up with any of my friends that happen to be available and either go to a movie or drinks (or both, but that could be pushing it). After such activities, I would go back to my hotel for another bath, followed by reading until I fell asleep. I would wake up the next morning around 10am (I would lay in bed reading if I woke up earlier than that) and walk to Maximilien's where I would meet Ada and Christopher for brunch (ordering the basket of pastries and whatever else looked good as well as a mimosa) and we would then walk to the Aquarium to finish out our Sunday me refreshed and relaxed and excited to be sharing my world with a toddler once again.

so yeah...

ok, that first little foray into blogging didn't exactly get rolling, so here is try #2. Well, that ball of cells turned into one Ada Mary Beatrice and she is now a little over a year old. This afternoon, this little bundle of all that is good and brilliant in the world and I went to the park to enjoy a bit of fabulous Seattle Summer Sunshine (it has been very fleeting so far thus completely deserves capitalization), and I had one of those moments where you see yourself from the outside. You know, where you kind of catch a glimpse of how other people probably perceive you.

And, I saw a 'Mom'...

someone who was spending a sunny afternoon chasing a toddler around a park trying to reach her before she put 'god-knows-what' into her mouth for a taste. Someone who spent at least 15 minutes with her bambino sitting on her stomach while said bambino took the sunglasses on and off their Mom's face over and over (and over) again. Someone who enthusiastically confirmed every dog the little lady pointed out (and when one pair of dogs walked by and the little lady said 'two dog' the Mom did not freak out even though she was thinking, 'wait, really, you get the concept of two?!').

I mean, I guess I realized that people must see me as a 'Mom' since I can't not talk about how wonderful Miss Ada is, but I don't really feel like a 'Mom', despite the fact that when we came home, I fed her dinner, put her in her pjs, read some bedtime stories and then put her to sleep, like I do every night, which are all definitely 'Mom' activities...

I still think of myself in the same way that I did before Ada, in fact, the same way I did when I was 25 and living in NYC and going out to hear jazz 3-4 nights a week, in fact that same way I did when I was 21 and listening to Morphine for free on my birthday at South Street Seaport, in fact, the same way I did when I was 16 and taking the train home from school everyday through the busiest train station in Tokyo...

the list could go on and on, but the fact remains that I really don't feel any different now that Ada is here (ok, I'm a hell of a lot more tired), which is why my 'glimpse' of myself today was so shocking...

I mean, really? I'm a mom?